D E A R ___ ____ _ _ ____ ___ ____ _ _ ___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ ___ ___ _ _ __ ___ ___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ ____ _ ____ _ _ ____ _ _ ___ Issue 0001 Dear Reverend [Felzin, Mon Jul 12 11:27:53] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I would like to know why I can't get laid every other hour of the day. Well [Reverend, Mon Jul 12 11:35:52] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ The answer lies partly in the question. You seek, and you shall find it harder to find. Sounds weird, but it's true. As anyone who's ever been in a big relationship can tell you, nothing is sure to make girls want to date you than you not being able to date them. Some would say there is something to do with women only wanting men that may already be classified (by being involved) as a good match, but I've found that the girlfriend doesnt even have to be known about. So I digress slightly, but my answer is thus: The question belies your strong urges to get laid, which is a turn-off. If you relax, and let things happen, you will most likely end up in a 'every other hour' situation. Froliche Weinachten! thanks [Felzin, Mon Jul 12 11:38:10] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ That's a good answer. Now I start my quest. reverend [Morgaine, Mon Jul 12 11:30:56] 80 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ please explain to me why you are wishing us all a merry christmas in july? [M] Morgaine [Reverend, Mon Jul 12 11:38:36] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I have a trading card, a Hogans Heroes trading card, currently affixed to my work computer monitor. It is Seargent Schultz (the fat nazi) dressed as Santa Claus except still wearin his nazi helmet under the red cap. He's climbing into a chimney and he is saying "Froliche Weinachten!" Which, though Morgaine didn't point this out, means 'Merry Christmas.' It has always sort of weirded me out (the card, not christmas, though actually that too, but thats not the question at hand) so I keep it up. When generating my 'random sig' file, I stuck in all sorts of things that I'd heard or thought were badass. Including that. well [Morgaine, Mon Jul 12 11:45:36] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ i guess that makes sense. ok thanks also what you said about girls liking guys that have already been labeled as a good match is soooo true its not even funny. but what weirds me out is that for a lot of girls there seems to be a conquest issue. i had a friend whose line on chicks was that he was studying to be a priest and was thus celibate. they'd be on him in like twenty minutes, it always weirded me out. he was also pretty damn good looking though, and charming, so im sure that helped. [M] good catches [Saffron, Tue Jul 13 04:08:52] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Yeah, girls like guys that seem to be a good catch. If they see a guy treating the woman he's with good in public and she looks happy, that makes him attractive to alot of girls. aFFro Dear Minister [Miriam, Tue Jul 13 00:47:20] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Dear Minister i want to know why i can't find the right person because i think i have a lot of good qualities including hating stryfe and i think that my dream of a nice place with hardwood floors and lots of books and ashtrays should be pleasing to most as should my body type do i have a butt ass face or what and should i place an ad for a mail order bride thank you kindly stuck in south dakota Miriam [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 04:22:00] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ You may be looking in all the wrong places. Don't get desperate, that's worse than spearfishing with a rubberband gun. Desperation (as we have covered already) is a sure means towards driving potential mates off. If you can't find your 'right person' you will need to either reexamine your means for connecting, i.e. where you are and where you make yourself available to run into this right guy, or reexamine your terms for 'right guy'ness, which may be flawed or self-defeating or too ideal, or, if those seem to both be fine, be patient. Patience, with the correct settings, will win in the end. Froliche Weinachten! Re: Miriam [Locus, Tue Jul 13 04:31:51] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ In other words, lower your standards or you might be waiting a long time... -Locus re: Locus [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 04:33:39] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ an oversimplification. I [Bob, Tue Jul 13 04:35:27] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ think you should have your own article in a newspaper Bob Dear Reverend [Walker, Tue Jul 13 06:08:22] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Some recipes call for baking powder; some for baking soda. Are they interchangable, or is there some formula whereby I can substitute one for the other in times when I am low on the proper item? Soda vs Powder [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 06:28:02] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Baking Soda is plain Sodium Bicarbonate. When mixed with an acid, it releases CO2 bubbles. These bubbles allow bread to be leavened. The drawback to baking soda as a cooking ingrediant is it will basically react all at once. You use Baking Soda in very specific instances, such as cookies, or pastries. Baking Powder (single acting) is Sodium bicarbonate with a bit of extra stuff, most noticably a powdered (dry) acid. This allows you to slow the release of the CO2 and produce a more even leaveneing. That is fun to type. Even leavening. Double acting Baking Powder basically reacts twice, the first time when mixed with liquid, the second time when heated. This is what 90% of recipes use. If it says Baking Powder, use D.A. Baking Powder. Otherwise it will say specifically Single Acting or Baking Soda. Boxers [Menahuni, Tue Jul 13 08:51:52] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ How do I find a guy who does not wear tighty whities? Are their personality traits that go along with boxers or what? re: Boxers [Skorch, Tue Jul 13 08:54:36] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ guys who wear boxers are loose and free-flowing in thier attitude toward life. Guys who wear tightywhities are all uptight. Now there are the people who are just too free and wild. Those are your commandos. what about [Stryfe, Tue Jul 13 09:01:23] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ those who wear no underwear i think u left them out skorch not like i care cuz i wear boxers go boxers! uh [Purge, Tue Jul 13 09:03:46] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ i believe this is the Dear Reverend page not the Dear shitsuckers skorch and stryfe page. pay the fuck attention boxers, briefs, and boxerbriefs. [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 09:04:01] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Contrary to popular belief, the attitude and/or lifestyle of people does not dictate their underwear choices with a few exceptions. I will return to the exceptions, but let me outline the types of underwear. boxers are classified as loose, short-style underwear usually featuring a pattern or at least mildly interesting to look at. Often thought of as the most attractive because the poofiness of them hides the classic American Male Beergut + Skinny Legs. Briefs are the 'tighty whities' of yore. Our moms bought us these. Many men wear tighty whities as force of habit, or loyalty to those fruit of the loom guys. Tighty Whities used to be known as the supportive style, the only type of underwear (of the two) that really kept you in place. Runners, martial artists, and basically anyone who tends to be adctive suddenly and often would favor briefs. This was until the advent of Boxer Briefs, which are the bastard son of the two styles that seems to be excellent in most situations covered by either style of underwear. They are as long as boxers, coming to mid-upper thigh, and tend to be tight but not taut, supportive but not restrictive. I have not as of yet seen any interestingly (boxer-style) patterned boxer briefs, but it is a matter of time. Boxer Briefs are also thought of as highly attractive by the majority of women I have questioned on the subject. Exceptions prove every rule. One style of dress among our nation's (and the ever-happily- imitational us wannabe nation's) youth is the 'sag', namely your pants hangin down so you can see your boxers. In this situation, ONLY boxers will do. I am told, however, that most everyone who displays a great deal of boxer in that style wears boxer briefs or tighty whities underneath (so as not to frighten the animals.) Note on usage: Tighty Whitie includes Jockey style undies, which are considered highly attractive on really excellently in shape men, mainly cuz they show a lot. Addition: I did not cover commando style. This was intentional. The question was regarding underwear, not nonunderwear. I will state, however, that in some situations commando style can be comfy, but the idea of wet jeans makes me cringe in fear. Reverend - Results may vary. what purge meant to write [Ahab, Tue Jul 13 09:04:54] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Dear Reverend, Why is it that soem shitsuckers, like Skorch and Stryfe for example, don't seem to realize that this is your page and not theirs? Are they ignorant, stupid, or just plain rude? Ahab [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 09:06:43] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I think they weren't aware of the minor usage situations on this page. Namely, it is considered pro forma to pose your question with the title Dear Reverend (/Minister/Bigjamie as you like) and to add answers/argue with me after my initial response. Reverend - Results may vary. Dear Minister, [Purge, Tue Jul 13 09:15:00] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Why is it that Sarah always demands free food from others and never is grateful for the free food we've already provided? Sincerely, Confused and Broke in Sili Valley Purge [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 09:18:01] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ There are several things to notice about Sarah. First of all, she is very skinny, which is a good indicator that she burns a great deal of calories. Secondly, she talks a lot and is highly animated, another indicator she burns a great deal of calories. And Thirdly, she is always cold, which is indicative of _not_ enough_calories_to_burn_! This results in highly consumptive behavior, with lots of hunger and lots of meals. In answer to your question, she is not grateful because she's probably forgottenabout any single particular tiny meal in her path of gastronomical destruction. Reverend - Results may vary. Dear Minister, [Purge, Tue Jul 13 09:21:01] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Recently I have attended severel "mud" related parties. At these parties I've noticed that certain individuals are fascinated with their testicles. Why is this? Sincerely, Ball Pondering in Palo Alto Purge [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 09:23:40] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ What makes a man? The Dude said "...sure, that and a pair of testicles" What is the essence of macho? You got balls, man. What can you do when I think yer full of shit? You can lick my left nut. The testicles are sacred to a man. Most males enjoyed enough testicular manipulation while growing up or in the privacy of their own homes. Others never get tired of it, and seek to share their joy with everyone around them. Do not hate or fear these people, they just want to show you how much fun they have. Reverend - Results may vary. Digression [Menahuni, Tue Jul 13 09:26:55] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Once some guy showed me that rat testicles grow almost to the size of human testicles. it was odd. I think Solara was there. elephantitis [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 09:27:33] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I have seen things, things that would kill lesser men. Reverend - Results may vary. Dear Minister, [Purge, Tue Jul 13 09:28:43] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Why does Felzin seek to harsh my mellow every damn day? Signed, Just wanting a hug in Mtn View. Purge [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 09:29:20] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ because you ask so many goddamn questions. Reverend - Results may vary. Purge - just kidding [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 09:30:37] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I think Felzin seeks to maintain the same brutal camaraderie shared by many of the 'old guard' here are EotL. Insults and anger are the name of the game. an example of this is noted by my initial response. Reverend - Results may vary. Dear Reverend [Darkdeath, Tue Jul 13 09:37:30] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I am an aspiring player killer and can already see the disadvantage to my potential greatness inherent in the ability players have to log in multiple "throwaway" characters with which to look at me without fear of recourse. Can we expect some sort of "fix" or "solution" to this obvious conflict of interest in the near future, and what is your take on the whole subject? Sincerely, Working Out Anger Darkdeath [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 09:42:31] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I am an aspiring advice columnist so lets see if we cant get something done here. By looking at you, I must assume you mean actually typing 'l darkdeath' so as to see your inventory. There isn't anything I see really wrong with this. If somebody is willing to spazz on the keyboard in order to name a goblin with +10 int and hit return through all the player announcements just to 'l darkdeath' then so be it. A solution for this perceived problem is unworkable regardless. I suggest learning to live with people knowing your inventory without you knowing exactly who it is. This is a minor gain when compared with the 50 evals you will probably have over your prey. try keeping your stuff in a pack or bag and setting up a macro to retrieve and equip. This would be rather impressive, actually. Or keep a 'fake' set of equipment, say, a horseman's flail and a latex sharv on, then adding the unequip to your macro. Reverend - Results may vary. re: Reverend [Darkdeath, Tue Jul 13 09:52:00] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Thank for your advice Reverend! I'll be up to eval 50 in no time AND be able to smooth over the rough edges on my friendships with the newbie population in general! dear reverend [Mrwilliam, Tue Jul 13 09:50:23] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Your idea about having aliases that allow you to easily hide your stuff intrigues me. Unfortunately, my knowledge of scripting is very small. Does EOTL have an easy way to do multiple commands under one alias? Mrwilliam [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 09:52:22] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ We used to. There were the days of alias hyah n;s;e;w. But as of now, the only bodies supporting the chaining of commands are wizard bodies. You might have luck with a 1,2,3,4,5,etc alias and learning to bang em all in rough succession. Reverend - Results may vary. Dear Reverend, [Morgaine, Tue Jul 13 10:06:37] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I am distraught by both urinals and stalls, and would like to know what solution to this problem you have come up with. When I urinate at a urinal, I have trouble controlling my penis; it whips about like a firehose gone awry. In a stall, I have a hard time sitting down -- or even standing -- without submerging at least some of my man meat. So I have a dilemma: do I deal with the splattering of urine at the urinal, or do I wet my wick in the stall? Sincerely yours, Penis Problems in Palo Alto Morgaine: Penis Problems [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 21:11:27] 1128 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I have encountered this situations before, and let me share with you some things that I have learned. When at a urinal, aim down, right at the cake. The splatter is most subdued there. Don't be embarassed to hold and control with both hands. No guy is going to think less of you if you're noted as holding your schlongster carefully, because that's what you're there for. When sitting on a seat, control and guide the schlongster to be nearly horizontal but below the lipped rim of the bowl. Bowls have an inner overhanging hooked lip. This means that if you pee at full force onto the inside of the porcelin bowl from 2 inches away, it still wont splatter up onto you at all. As far as dipping into the water, you may have luck sitting in the japanese fashion. Pull one leg of your pants +underwear off, and cross that leg over, ankle on your other knee. This sits you higher and is better for your back. The Squatting american style is also not really condusive towards jumpin up and drawing your sword to defend against ninja attack, but that's much less of a problem in today's world. Reverend - Results may vary. Dear Reverend [Bob, Tue Jul 13 10:09:28] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ How is it that when I check for new articles every 5 minutes, this page always seems to have atleast 3? Bob Bob: New articles [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 21:12:16] 171 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Every new page undergoes a honeymoon period. As with all the rest, this one will settle down and turn into a fight about someting retarded. Reverend - Results may vary. dear reverend [Stryfe, Tue Jul 13 10:35:42] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ i would like to formally apologize for shitbaggin on yer page with skrotch and i would like to ask a question to support your efforts here why is it that pubic hair itches after you shave it off and it begins to grow back in? and as an addendum to that, how does one shave his pubic regions to complete smoothness without severing vital penisveins? (this is curiousity, cuz i think it'd be kewl but im not wanting to chop up my genitals...) Stryfe, Shaving, Itching [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 21:16:28] 863 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ All hair itches when growing back. This is due to little bits of sweat getting into your torn up and svaged skin, as well as the little hairlets being sharpended and hort enough to be stiff. The itchiness of growing hair is compounded in any sweaty area, and in any area that has constant cloth contact. Your crotch fits that bill in a pretty much exact fashion. Shaving your crotch to complete smoothness is a generally futile effort. You can get far by using clippers to get the hair down a lot, then carefully using a razor. Porn stars have other people do it for them. After finishing that, use a WATERED DOWN bit of Nair to smooth you out completely. Crotch hair grows fairly quickly, and is of the oval, wirey type, which means that you will stay perfectly smooth for approximately 2 days before becoming Sandpaperman. Dear Reverend, [Skorch, Tue Jul 13 10:52:09] +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ My boss just took a "course" on various computer related topics. Now she is an instant expert and is constantly arguing with me that her methods are correct and my methods are just plain stupid (yah, I don't need to hear any comments about that remark thank-you very much). My question is, are most project managers like this? Skorch vs. the Projekt Manager [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 21:20:38] 883 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Most managerial positions are held by the people who held office in your high school. These people aren't managers because they are competant, but because they paid (well, their parents paid) for expensive B-School and the next logical step is to 'manage.' After a bit of time, these managers will realize they really aren't good for anything besides calling meetings, which aren't good for anything at all. Many, many managers seek to expand their position at the company they are at, either through some bizarre company loyalty (does this stupid thing still exist? Why?) or through sheer boredom. If your manager just up and took a course on some computer topic and is now hailing herself as an expert, she is most likely going through a phase. Many people function like this. Give her 3-4 weeks and she should start fixating on something else. Reverend - Results may vary.