D E A R ___ ____ _ _ ____ ___ ____ _ _ ___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ ___ ___ _ _ __ ___ ___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ ____ _ ____ _ _ ____ _ _ ___ Issue 0002 Dear Reverend, [Valentino, Tue Jul 13 14:36:13] 22 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I need a date. Help! also Dear Reverend, [Valentino, Tue Jul 13 14:38:46] 66 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Purge burnt me on swindlers and liars page. What should I do?!?? Valentino: Dates and Welches [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 21:22:32] 314 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I cannot get you a date. I can give you advice on how to get a date, if you want. Being burnt by purge is like being lit on fire by a trained, rabid gibbon with a surplus world war 2 flamethrower named Thaddeus. It can happen, and if it does, you should be more amazed than upset. Reverend - Results may vary. Dear Reverend [Bob, Tue Jul 13 19:08:48] 106 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Hi, I was wondering why, since I moved my connection speed went from 48.somethin k to 26.4k I hate it Bob Bob's connection speeds [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 21:24:56] 549 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ In many areas of the country, mine included, the phone company is engaging in a twisted project. They add lots of lines, constantly, without adding more cable. This just results in shittier lines for everyone. They want you to buy their DSL. You may have luck updating your modem drivers, removing all other points of prescence on that particular line (disconnecting all phones, etc that the same line may terminate into,) moving your computer away from any other magnetic sources, and trying another dialup number. Reverend - Results may vary. dear Reverend [Hieronymus, Tue Jul 13 20:49:55] 422 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ My apologies for presuming to answer for you, but I can help Bob. Bob, the answer to your question is: Pot wiring. In many residential areas, the actual wiring is still copper twisted pairs rather than fiber optics. This old style of wiring can only support 26.4k or somewhere there abouts. This is according to the technical service department at Pacific Bell. Their advice for those of us with 56k+ modems, etc: MOVE Dear Reverend [Hieronymus, Tue Jul 13 20:53:42] 119 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Why does it feel so much hotter when the humidity is high? Is that similar to the idea of wind chill making it colder? Bob's Discount Humidity [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 21:45:01] 198 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Basically, the way mammals stay cool is by sweating. When the air is full of water, the sweat cannot evaporate off of your skin, so you don't get cool. You also stink. Reverend - Results may vary. Dear Reverend [Vector, Tue Jul 13 21:08:00] 462 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Can you please make it so people have to mail you their questions and then YOU post them with an answer so I the general audience doesnt have to read all these dumbass questions? this will 1) screen out all the dickhead questions and 2) This page sucks when you are not answering. Currently there are like 8 straight questions with no answers. This page started kickass, but is slowly starting to suck already, please make it so only you can post here dammit. Reverend - Results may vary. Vector Vector Child Collector [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 21:51:47] 754 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Mail-in questions sounds pretty good, with a few problems. Namely, I don't want to get mailbombed every time I'm on, and I dont want to have to choose which questions I answer. I dont see a problem yet with answering everything people post here, it's just my usual online times are all night. I also like people having to post their questions, so I can weed out the people who might ask private, personal questions that I really don't want to have to answer. We can try this method for a while, and if it proves unworkable, we'll see if something else works. As if people will really keep asking questions anyhow. I think these articles should also be saved somewhere but I'm not really interested in doing that either. Reverend - Results may vary. Dear Reverend [Kathead, Tue Jul 13 21:54:15] 215 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I'd like to adjust your previous assertion that "..the way mammals stay cool is sweating." dogs, for example, do not sweat, and dogs are mammals. thank you. Kathead the sweaty dog [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 22:07:00] 58 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Exceptions prove rules, yay. Reverend - Results may vary. Dear Reverend [Coke, Tue Jul 13 21:54:42] 85 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Do you know any good jokes involving humans, animals, or objects walking into a bar? Coke's Joke [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 22:08:11] 228 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says: Hey why the long face? A giraffe walks into a bar and says: Hey everyone, highballs on me! A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a drink and a mop. Reverend - Results may vary. Dear Minister [Kathead, Tue Jul 13 21:54:53] 109 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Are transvestites generally considered homosexual? wait let me rephrase that Are transvestites whose sexual preference remains men generally considered to be homosexual? Kathead, those are MY STOCKINGS! [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 22:26:36] 1235 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ OK Clarification sought on wiz channel has led me to need to answer several questions. First of all, What is a Transvestite? Transsexual? Transvestites (Change-clothing) wear clothing traditionally associated with the opposite gender. This act, in itself, does not make anyone homosexual. Transsexuals are people who have had full sex changes and live as the other gender. The actual gender of these people is up to debate, with some people insisting that they are the gender they choose to be, others saying that the brain develops in different ways, and once a male, always a male, etc. This issue has not been resolved to everyone's satisfaction. As far as transsexuals (or transgenders as many prefer) being homosexual, this depends on your perception of their actual gender. It gets messier. Crossgenders are people who are intentially or temporarily 'between' genders, having a mix of pimrary and seconday sexual characteristics, and dressing according to their wishes. As far as them fitting into 'homo' or 'hetero' sexual classifications, you could make the point that the only way for them to be homosexual is to prefer other crossgenders, and everyone else they're with makes them hetero. Reverend - Results may vary. Dear Reverend [Arthur, Tue Jul 13 22:45:13] 326 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ You've been known to say a women will decide in 15min if she'll sleep with you or not and that there's not much a guy can do. Obviously the women must base this decision on something, most likely having to do with the guy. What gives? Unlucky Chuck hunts for Fuck [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 22:53:50] 1228 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ 15 minutes from the start of attraction. THis rule applies in clubs, bars, and 'quick pick up' situations. In these situations, the woman will indeed know immediately, based on her first impression, whether or not she's going to sleep with you. This rule does not apply if you already know her, etc. But what does she base it on? Well let me tell you, chum, that women aren't dumb. While you may think you're slick and sneaky whilst checking girls out in the bar, every time you're not looking, you're being checked out yourself. You're being judged on your poise, attractiveness, coolness, etc. Basically, the same list of things that will end up making you walk over to a specific girl and ask to borrow her phone number or whatnot. Females may generally take the passive role in these proceedings, but they are by no means just sitting there staring into their cups waiting for a big strong man to come help lil ol them. So, no pressure here, but if you're in a bar or club or something and trying to get girls, you best be on your tip top best behavior from the getgo. You've got to look easy, free and relaxed every waking second, because where your eyes don't go, the girls can see. Reverend - Results may vary. wow [Madman, Tue Jul 13 23:04:26] 57 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ you make women sound like some stalkers or predators heh Dear Reverend [Arthur, Tue Jul 13 23:05:14] 196 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Why are guys always supprised when the realize that women go after men just as much as men go after women? Arthur MacArthur [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 23:06:50] 166 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Most modern media portrays women as nonsexual creatures with no interest in anything besides shopping. Modern media can go fuck itself. Reverend - Results may vary. dear reverend [Cambot, Tue Jul 13 23:07:01] 45 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Why do women always go out with asshole guys Cambot, I'm here for you sweetie [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 23:19:25] 844 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ There are several, well, many, reasons why this happens. The first is that they don't know. This happens a lot, and is actually more likely as asshole guys will feel no qualms about pretending to be nice or lying or whatnot to get the babe. These are the guys that need beatings. They often have tons of female "friends" that they're "nice" to, and not very many male friends. Exquisite red roses seem to have some involvement here, but I can't say for sure. The second is that women sometimes WANT the asshole guys. Whether it's because they never had a healthy relationship with their father, or have a poor self image, or like the consistency of a consitently assholish, predictable guy, and some just like bad boys. In this situation, you can do nothing besides maybe gettin a leather jacket and smoking. Reverend - Results may vary. Guest opinion [Moonstalker, Tue Jul 13 23:33:01] 45 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Assholes make the best first impression .gf follow-up [Cambot, Tue Jul 13 23:35:05] 193 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Ok, i agree with the 'girls don't know the guys are assholes' comment. The next question would have to be why not? I mean I can usually see it from a mile away, why can't the girls spot it? Asshooollomiiiooo [Reverend, Tue Jul 13 23:39:35] 175 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Billboards look huge from one angle, and real skinny from another. Think of assholes as like billboards that always make sure to be facing women. Reverend - Results may vary. Dearest Reverend [Malice, Tue Jul 13 23:58:14] 289 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ In fact I am eating 2 egg rolls. Well not at the same time. Anyway, I don't seem to notice any egg in my egg roll. Is there egg in egg rolls? If not, why are they called that? /\/\alice Egg roll [Reverend, Wed Jul 14 00:04:13] 265 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Ok we answered this one on wiz channel, but the wrapping used to be made with lots of egg. I think most people use rice paper these days, but thinking about it you brush rice paper with egg and butter ot make it stick. so there ya go. Reverend - Results may vary. dear reverend [Moonstalker, Wed Jul 14 00:26:25] 67 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ How do i get a girl to like me? If she likes me, how will i know? Moonstalker [Reverend, Wed Jul 14 01:00:49] 999 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ As far as getting a girl to like you, that's a tall order. If you wish to compel someone who wouldn't normally like you into liking you, then that puts you into the Class A Asshole male (see preivous answer.) But if you want to be liked for who you are, your best bet is to be who you be, and try to meet girls who would like you for that. Where you look for girls will heavily influence your success rates, ater all. If a girl likes you, she will agree to go out with you. If she likes you butis too shy to go out with you, then she is probably just going to be irritating like that the whole time you'd be with her, so forget about it. Treat her with respect but dont go overboard and hold her in TOO high of esteem. She is a girl, true, but a human first. I see all too often girls being cut ten times more slack for the same thing, and I will happily admit I do it myself, but I am cognizant of it. You should be cognizant of it as well if you plan on doing it. Reverend - Results may vary. Dear Minister [Kathead, Wed Jul 14 02:25:32] 571 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ every time i go eat chocolate pudding in a can some doofus will always come along an spoil it by sayin somethin dumb like "oh well you know there's like cow's blood in that" as though there might be more than say, a drop if at all and though i know the american food industry has a bad rep i gotta wonder how the fuck would cow's blood wind up in mah chocolate pudding (cept mebbe related to any dairy it might contain, but then milk would too, no?) and if it is, how much could one realistically expect to find? NO MORE THAN 7 RAT DROPPINGS [Reverend, Wed Jul 14 02:31:10] 1371 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Yeah. I've heard that a lot too. It's almost entirely just companies covering themselves. If they say there won't be more than a drop of cowsblood in the pudding, then the random rare occurence of there somehow being a drop of cows blood in the pudding is OK, because the warned you. It's the same thing that prompts MCDs to put warnings on their coffeecups, in case someone isn't aware the hot coffee doesn't mean it's good lookin. How would cowblood end up in chocolate pudding? I can't even come up with a situation beyond the occasional traces of blood found in milk drawn via milk machines. Big pudding companies get lots of milk from big dairy farms that I'm sure dont eye-verify every single bottle of milk, etc, so the little itty bit of blood that may seep in may bug people. Also, the cow blood could piss off vedics or vegans, so the puddin company is saying "hey guys, don't bother, theres the off chance you may actually get a tiny bit of bloodin this and seeing as you're wealthy enough to be that choosy about what you eat, well, there you go." But I won't get into that. I say we just get rid of the g on the end of puddin. Dear Minister, [Pokey, Wed Jul 14 06:00:11] 25 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Am I crazy, Min? -Morph Pokey [Reverend, Wed Jul 14 06:04:28] 401 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ If you dont kill someone by the time yer 30 I'll be very amazed. you got that disgruntled, gonna go postal look about ya Dear Reverend [Vector, Wed Jul 14 07:03:58] 255 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ about my last post, I was just trying to say that there is already a stupid questions page and I didnt want this one to turn into it. But yah, anyway, my question was in Reference to you and Kathead, don't dogs sweat through their tongue or something? vector [Kathead, Wed Jul 14 07:12:18] 113 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ yeh, but i would't use "sweat" to describe the process Vector [Reverend, Wed Jul 14 07:13:33] 443 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Yeah, doin research, i think only primates sweat or somethin odd. Horses too. But not like cats or dogs or rodents or pigs. As far as Stupid Questions, I welcome them, because I don't have any qualms about providing stupid answers. Dear Reverend, [Pokey, Wed Jul 14 07:13:20] 402 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ What does Khaki mean? I used to think it was a fancy name for beige, but I have some dark blue pants that are called Khakis, and have seen green ones as well. I also don't think it's a style because I've seen corderoy 'khakis' and pleated and unpleated pants and all sorts of other things as well... So what does the term mean? Does it refer to any cotton-based pant that doesn't qualify as jeans? Phoki [Reverend, Wed Jul 14 07:22:05] 469 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Khaki was originally a specific term for 8.5 ounce cotton twill material. It gained broader use as referring to the british army desert tan from WW2. Also nowadays it's starting to refer to a type of pants. Slightly confusing, yes, but thats how words are. Dear Reverend [Bob, Wed Jul 14 07:56:57] 104 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ It isnt anything important just somethin i always wondered besides water whats in carbonated water? Bob Bobbly Woter [Reverend, Wed Jul 14 08:10:09] 312 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ CO2. Actually, theres less in most carbonated water, as it's usually very pure prior to carbonation. addition [Morgaine, Wed Jul 14 08:28:09] 2008 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Reverend is correct, but heres a little more info: CO2, unlike say, oxygen, seems to be extremely soluble in water (that is to say, with a little bit of pressure, you can force a rather large amount of CO2 into a relatively small amount of water). It is not so with most other gases. It is this property that allows us to produce carbonated water. What many people do NOT know, however, is that the reason CO2 is so soluble is because it doesn't only dissolve in water, but REACTS in water. It reacts to form carbonic acid, a weak acid that doesn't disassociate very much (ie, protonate the water). The process of carbonation is actually the same process that gives a Diver the bends. Under higher pressure, gas is more soluble in liquid than under low pressure; you can think about this informally as higher pressure 'pushing' more gas into the water. For CO2, this means that a huge amount CO2 can react under pressure. For a diver, they talk about nitrogen, which is almost insoluble in blood at normal pressure, but under about 300 feet of water starts to dissolve. Well, inside your soda can, the pressure is roughly 4 atmospheres (ie, 4 times the pressure measured at 0 degrees C at sea level) and when you suddenly open the can, the pressure drops almost instantaneously to 1 atmosphere. The bubbles you see are what chemists and chaos mathematicians call the 'drive to equilibrium'. Namely, too much CO2 is suddenly present for the given pressure, so the CO2 dissolved in the solution returns to its gaseous form and bubbles out. For a diver, the same thing happens if you've been down deep for a while (allowing nitrogen from your tank, which is pressurized, to dissolve in your blood) you are at risk of getting the bends if you surface too quickly. Why? Because you reduce the pressure on your system quickly enough that the dissolved nitrogen needs to bubble out. So basically, your blood starts doing the Calistoga Mountain Spring Water thing. Ok, hope that was interesting. [M] er also [Walker, Wed Jul 14 08:31:20] 121 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ soda water contains a small amount of sodium bicarbonate, which is why it can be useful in neutralizing an upset stomach Read? (ynq) -> the sodium bicarbonate [Morgaine, Wed Jul 14 08:33:51] 274 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ is actually a byproduct of the carbonic acid producing a bicarbonate ion and the presence of sodium in the water already, if i recall correctly. so no one actually physically adds baking soda to the water, but it ends up being there because of the chemistry of it all. [M] Dear BigJamie [Stryfe, Wed Jul 14 08:40:24] 984 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ This may be a multi-subject post... Here goes: 1) Wherever did the handle BigJamie come from. From seeing pictures of you, I would not normally quantify you as big. If you wish to answer this with a penile reference, please quantify that reference with truthful size measurements. 2) I have 128mb of ram in this linuxbox. I forgot how to tell the system on boot that it has 128mb and not the limit of 64mb. Where do I do this, and what is the line I insert? (I've done this once, but i forgot how) 3) I need to buy some shit in florida for people. I'm curious for good ideas for things to get. I know my mom wanted me to buy her something, and I am a very poor shopper. HELP!@! 4) How come Gilligan never tapped that ass? I mean, Ginger was practically waving the stuff in his face!??!? Love, BigStryfe Christ, Stryfe [Reverend, Wed Jul 14 08:56:06] 771 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ OK with 4 answers you get minimal answers, no funny stuff, lebowski. 1) My ego, my personality, my sweeping arm gestures, my list of girls that are on my D. 2) you need to insert a kernal option, MAXMEM=131072 3) From florida, get funny, trashy gifts. this will best represent the funny, trashynature of florida. A Snowdome that is all melted snow with some wry comment about it being too hot for real snow and a poorly modeled clay bikini girl in it is 1 example. 4) Gilligan's Island was a television show in the 60s. There was no ass tapping at all. Stryfie-poo, Linux calleth [Reverend, Thu Jul 15 05:00:48] 230 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Zippo has corrected me. Apparently, nobody compiles memsizes into the kernel, they just put em in lilo at will. Put append="mem=128M" in your lilo.conf and re-run lilo and then give zippo a big hug. Dear Minidick [Felzin, Wed Jul 14 09:09:11] 235 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ What makes a car a lemon? Felchmaster D [Reverend, Wed Jul 14 09:12:58] 504 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ It differs mildly from state to state, but for california (typical, I believe) it's 30 calendar days out of service and 4 repair attempts in the first year owned. What is a lemon in general? A Lemon is a car that just dont work. No matter what you fix, something else goes wrong. Infuriating. theres a buncha restrictions on the types of cars that can be considered lemons, a big fancy legalistic list. Like, vehicle purchased for familial use excluding motorcycles and portions of mobile homes intended primarily for habitations etc etc etc